Hot and Spicy’s

I have had a life-defining moment… a long “moment”. It started about 48 hours ago, and I need to get it off my chest before it suffocates me.

So I worked on Sunday right.. Not from home or remotely or in the “satellite office”. At my desk in the office, on Mother’s Day with my kids. Did I get paid for it? No. Instead I got to work on Monday morning to a very pleasant little email telling me that I am not getting performance pay while everyone else is. Why am I not getting it? Because I have resigned. No “Thank you for giving up your time with your children”.  No “We really appreciate it.” Just “We’re not paying you.” P.A.R.D.O.N?????

Then today I place a call to the maintenance court to find out if we are in fact in court tomorrow, because NH now hasn’t paid for 4 months (not counting the R300 he put in to buy HF some meds a few weeks ago), only to be told by the man in the maintenace court that they haven’t served summons because NH’s girlfriend / housemate has denied knowing who he is. And then this idiot tells me that he doesn’t like my attitude and he is disappointed with the way I have spoken to him. E.X.C.U.S.E M.E??????? WTF?

And through all this, I call my mother because sometimes I just need to bounce it off her and she is my mother and I so desperately want to believe I can have the relationship with her that I want to have with my kids. It is important to mention at this point that I am not asking her to help in any way. Not once. She tells me that I shouldn’t have resigned and then maybe they would pay me, and my dog is a nightmare because I insist on this pansy puppy school crap and its clearly not working, and that she is sick of sorting out my shit and that at some point I am going to have to take ownership. E.X.C.U.S.E M.E again??????

So I left a shitty voicemail telling her to shove it up her ass, which I am regretting now. Sort of. Not really.

And so the life-defining moment has got me to the realisation that I am hideously short on friends at the mo’, and that I hate the systems and that I cannot wait for the next 13 times I have to get up and come to work to be over and my new life to begin and I am sick of not getting the recognition I work so hard for and that I love and miss the friends I do have.

Can we cancel the rest of today please? Can it just be over? Does this mood merit opening the coveted bottle of 2003 Boschendal Shiraz waiting for me at home, or do I go and pick up a cheapy and keep the Shiraz as the symbolic first bottle in Shiraz Valley?

All I know is I need a drink, and possibly a good shag (which is also a non-existent event in my life at the mo’), and someone to cook some supper because I am sick to death of filling all the roles and trying to be a million people. I am just me. No more. No less. Just me. Why can’t that just be good enough?

CM

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Tags: bonus, friends, increase, maintenance, performance pay, relationships